


Hero

by QueenOfNowhere



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, F/M, Multi, season 2 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 15:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3855172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNowhere/pseuds/QueenOfNowhere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It changed them. All of them. It became harder with each day for them to remember the kids they once used to be. It became harder to remember innocence, to remember happiness, to remember peace. || Clarke Griffin had always believed that she could handle everything, that she could just keep going and save everyone. What she didn't realize though was that victory stood on the back of sacrafice and that at one point she might be forced to make one which is too great for her to carry, the one she won't be able to handle. [OS]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first fanfic for The 100 folks. So let me know what you think ;)
> 
> This is not really, actually too happy and it is possible that not everyone will survive this story, so be warned. 
> 
> And obviously, I don't own anything but the plot.

 

_I’m left with no shoulder but everybody wants to lean on me_   
_I guess I’m their soldier, well who’s gonna be mine?_   
_Who’s there to save the hero?_   
_When she’s left all alone and she’s crying out for help?_   
_Who’s there to save the hero?_   
_Who’s there to save the girl?_   
_After she saves the world, after she saves the world_

 

 

It changed them. All of them. It became harder with each day for them to remember the kids they once used to be. It became harder to remember innocence, to remember happiness, to remember peace.

Clarke wasn’t a kid anymore but a leader people looked up to, even when she was helpless herself.

Bellamy wasn’t a kid anymore but a soldier, forced to push past his limits, even when he desperately wanted to give up.

Octavia wasn’t a kid anymore but a Grounder, trying to earn respect on both sides, even when people kept knocking her down.

Jasper and Monty weren’t kids anymore but revolutionaries, giving others hope, even when they were hopeless themselves.

Raven wasn’t a kid anymore but a fighter, facing whatever was thrown at her, even when she had every reason to give in.

Murphy wasn’t a kid anymore but a damned, doing what it took him to survive, even when he had no place where he really belonged.

Finn wasn’t a kid anymore but a broken, wanting to protect the persons he loved, even when he felt like he was losing his mind.

It was hard to determine the exact moment when it all happened, when they stopped being scared innocent little kids and turned into what this world made them. It happened somewhere in the process of surviving, somewhere between building a camp, making treaties with grounders and being forced to fight in a war they never wanted.

 

* * *

 

Clarke gritted her teeth. She needed to quit worrying. He had only been gone for one day and she already knew she wouldn’t sleep until he was back. Which, given the circumstances may never be the case.

But for her, there was no time to be weak, no time to have feelings. Pushing him away was the only way to achieve what everyone expected, sending him to Mount Weather was their best shot but would also turn out to be the most painful decision she was forced to make. His expression of pure heartbreak forever burned on her eyelids. The feeling of pure desperation forever imprinted on her heart.

Clarke never really wanted to be a leader she never really wanted the 100 to look up to her, to come to her for advice, to follow her. But it happened anyway because she always felt the need to save others and before she knew what was going on Bellamy and she were heads of the camp. The people, _their_ people needed them to take care of them, to protect them, to make sure everything was going to be fine. She had to focus on doing what she could do best, on doing what she had to do, what she was meant to do. _Saving their people._

That’s why she sent him away. She sent him away, ignoring every atom in her body aching for him, denying every cell in her body screaming for him, crushing this desperate need of being close to him. There was no time for her to be weak, no time to have feelings. And that was exactly what he did to her. He made her weak, he made her feel. With his brown eyes, his freckles, his smile. He made her needy and made her want things she could never have.

He was her greatest weakness and this world taught her something. _Don’t have a weakness_. She had to stay strong, she had to survive, no matter what. She couldn’t die before her people were out of Mount Weather.

In this world it was all about surviving, it was about killing or being killed, it was fight or die. So, in order to stay alive she killed a part of herself. She sent him away, suffocating the part of her which belonged to him and needed him like the air to breath. To be honest, she kind of expected to feel better afterwards, to be free of that burden but it only made matters worse. She guessed people are right. You can’t cut someone so close to you out of your life without hurting yourself.

She got up and headed for Lexa’s tent. The Commander didn’t seem surprised to see her, probably because she understood; she knew what it felt like. _Because victory stands on the back of sacrifice_. Only now did Clarke start to understand the real meaning behind these words and she started to wonder. She started to wonder if this one sacrifice was the one too great, too heavy, the one she wouldn’t be able to carry.

 

* * *

 

 

Darkness had fallen over the camp. A terrible metaphor for how darkness had taken over almost every part, on more than one level. Octavia never thought it was possible to gain so much in such a short time and lose all of it again in even less.

Her brother was with maniacs, in danger every second of the day. Her boyfriend was struggling so much, being his own greatest enemy. Her closest friend on earth was turning into a cold and heartless monster. And the worst part was that she felt like she couldn’t help any of them.

The first time she set foot on earth, she felt as free as never before. Down here, far away from the Ark she wasn’t a criminal anymore; she wasn’t punished for the very act of breathing. She met Lincoln and she saw Bellamy smile. It was such a rare occasion and it filled her with a warm feeling. Over time he became lighter, smiled more often, seemed happier in general. At first, Octavia attributed that to earth but soon she realized something else. She realized it was because of a girl, because of Clarke. She started to notice things she had easily overlooked up until this point. She started to notice how they stares always lingered a little too long, how they challenged and fought but built one unity against someone else, how they almost moved in sync. It was insane but she started to see it and she started to like it. She was good for him. He thought of himself as damned but she brought light and forgiveness to him and for some reason he accepted it from her. Something he had denied his sister for years.

Looking at that very girl now pained her. It caused her an actual physical pain in her chest and made her throat tight. There was nothing left of her brother’s princess. Octavia could hardly believe that she was looking at the same girl who fought to keep Jasper alive and was now sending her brother towards his certain death. She could hardly believe that she was looking at the same girl who wanted to save everyone and was now willing to let a whole city of innocent people burn to death. She could hardly believe that she was looking at the same girl who used to smile so bright and worked so hard for the 100 and was now always wearing a cold mask and listening to Lexa more than her own heart.

In some way, Octavia was glad that Bellamy wasn’t here to see her like that. She was scared it would break him because when even optimistic, bright, heroic, beautiful Clarke was being turned into a monster by this world, what was going to happen to the rest of them?

 

* * *

 

The once so foreign steel walls started to grow more familiar with each passing day. Never would he have expected to spend so much time here. Bellamy had come to earth to protect his sister and somewhere deep down out of curiosity. He wanted to know what it was like and wasn’t disappointed. The environment was beautiful and he wanted himself and Octavia to be free for good on this planet. Although right now, he felt like he was farther away from that aim than ever. He had no idea where Octavia was, if she was fine, if she was even alive and he was caged again, kept away from the outside.

He was a prisoner in more than one way again. Hardly had he felt so powerless before as he had done over the last few days. All he could really do is hope. Hope that Octavia was fine, hope that Clarke was fine, hope that he wouldn’t be discovered, hope that their plan would work.

But he was scared. He was so scared but couldn’t let it show. He had to be strong and brave for his people. They needed him and he had to do what had to be done. Just the way Clarke did when she closed the door to the drop ship, when she sent him into Mount Weather, when she put everyone else above herself. Sometimes he admired her for that quality and sometimes he didn’t. 

When he looked at Jasper and Maya his heart ached. Watching them made him happy and sad at the same time. He was glad they found each other; they sure as hell deserved it. But their love was so innocent in such a terrible world. And love was so fragile, so easily destroyed and it was hard to breathe with a shattered heart; as he had learned.

Sometimes when he looked at them, he saw himself and Clarke. He saw everything they could have been and everything they would never be. He knew he lost her the moment she sent him away. It was her way of telling him that she would never belong to him. She cut all the strings they had attached to each other at once. He couldn’t help but wonder if it hurt her at all. It hurt him like hell. He couldn’t even remember the last time he felt like that. Maybe because there was no last time.

And now he was here and she was there, miles between them, again in more than one level. Sometimes he wondered if they would get a chance to make up again, if she would let a chance happen. He knew she wasn’t the girl he set eyes on the first time on earth anymore. No one of them was that person anymore but he felt like she had been broken by this terrible world they now lived in. He watched Octavia grow from it, Jasper changed by it and Clarke break from it.

He took a deep breath when Maya appeared in front of his eyes, gesturing him to follow her. He did so and kept on hoping. Hoping Octavia was fine, hoping Clarke was fine, hoping he wouldn’t be discovered, hoping their plan would work out. Well, if he was already at it, hoping for so many things like an idiot then he could also hope for him and Clarke to work things out when all of this was over.

Or maybe he should say _if_ all of this was ever over.

 

* * *

 

Young and innocent. Two words often connected but for Clarke they needed to be strictly separated. She was young, she was almost still a kid but she was sure as hell not innocent anymore. There was so much blood on her hands she could barely handle it. She already caused the people she loved so much pain. She felt like she was starting to lose sight of what was good and the right thing to do.

She wanted to be part of the good guys, even if that was just make-believe and there were no such things as good guys and bad guys.

After all, could she really blame the Mountain Men? Weren’t they basically trying to do the same thing she was? They wanted to keep their people alive; she wanted to keep her people alive; Lexa wanted to keep her people alive. They all accused each other of being the bad guy when they were all doing the same thing. And that was when Clarke realized that in war, there were no such things as good guys and bad guys. There were victims and survivors and that was about it.

She had no choice. Or maybe she did have a choice but she liked to believe that she didn’t, just to make it easier for her conscience. After all, what kind of person would she be if she did have a choice and still decided to send Bellamy into Mount Weather? And to let a whole city burn without doing anything? And attacking Mount Weather when not everyone inside was guilty? No, she couldn’t let herself believe that she had a choice or she would most definitely break.

It wasn't until the last second that she was sure something was about to go wrong. It wasn’t until she stood, facing the Mountain men’s army that she realized that Bellamy had done it, that she had done it, that they were going to rescue their people. For the first time in weeks, she felt a glimpse of happiness. And hope. Maybe when all of this was over, she could give him a chance. She could let that part of herself breathe again.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she heard Lexa’s words said by her own voice. _Love is weakness _.__ Screw this. She didn’t care. She wanted to be weak. She had been forced to be strong for so long that she was just done; it damn near destroyed her.  
She needed Bellamy. She needed to breathe. She needed to resurrect that part of her. She needed to let herself feel and want and need.  
She needed to find him. _Now._

 

* * *

 

Blood. Never before had Raven seen so much blood, death and destruction at once. The air was heavy with pain, screams and the sound of guns and steel meeting steel.

Everything was a horrible mess and it seemed to go on forever, no end in sight, no peace.

Her arms and legs felt sour but she kept going, as if she was in a trance. She had to fight, she had to free her friends, she had to support her leaders.

_“No!”_

Another scream, high pitched, agonized, heart breaking. To most people it sounded just like the thousand other screams but to Raven it didn’t. It freed her from her trance and she spun around, her eyes frantically scanning her surroundings.

Then she saw her. Octavia was kneeling down, next to a body. She was covering the face with her body but Raven had a sinking feeling. It was like all of a sudden, the air lacked of oxygen and there was nothing in it but blood and pain.

Another scream left Octavia’s mouth and her body started shaking. She leaned over and revealed dark, untidy hair.

Raven closed her eyes. She didn’t want to see his face. She didn’t want to see his skin turn pale, his eyes lifeless, his expression probably still brave for his sister.

She knew would she have been shot in that second, she wouldn’t care. Maybe she would even have been thankful for getting rid of this horrible aching in her chest. It wasn’t the first time she felt like this and to her great disappointment she had to learn that going through it more than once didn’t make it easier, didn’t prepare you for the next time pain stroke again.

She opened her eyes slowly but nothing had changed. Octavia was still huddled at the ground, clutching at his shirt, sobbing. He was still lying there, not moving. His eyes were closed. He could be sleeping if it wasn’t for his red stained chest. Raven gulped as another wave of pain rolled over her and raised her eyes. She froze.

Clarke was standing ten feet away, her eyes locked on the scene in front of her. Her gun was lowered; her face was twisted in a painful mask. If Raven hadn’t been with her over the last few days, seen her cold face, her merciless behavior, she would be sure that tears were forming in the girl’s eyes.

Clarke still didn’t move. It was like she forgot how to, like he took all this knowledge with him. All she could do is stare at him. Somewhere in the distance she could hear Octavia’s screams; she could hear the noises of the war around her; she could hear guns going off. That all seemed far away though. Inside of her head there was a louder voice, her own voice, screaming her pain out, screaming how unfair this whole situation was.

If their lives had been a movie, Bellamy and Clarke would have gotten their goodbye. A heartbreaking one, for sure but at least a goodbye. That’s all she was asking for right now. She wanted a last moment with him, in which she could put her arms around him, tell him everything she had been too afraid to say before, feel all the things she denied before. They could have told each other, _I love you_ , they could have kissed for the first and for the last time, they could have been together at least once, being totally honest. She could have told him how she felt when he looked at her, when he touched her, when he smiled at her; how she would never forget him. He could have told her how she made him hope again, how he would have gone through hell and back to be with her, how lucky he felt for knowing her.

Instead she came just a little too late, never seeing the bullet enter his chest, never seeing him sink to the ground, never seeing the light leave his eyes, the life leave his body, leaving all these words unsaid, all these feelings unfelt, all their business unfinished.

It took her breath away and never in a million years would she have imagined to be able to feel like this. It was as if that little part of her she suffocated by sending him here in the first place had taken over her whole body and now that he was gone, she was dying too. She felt like she was drowning and no one was there to save her now. No one would ever be there because they all have their own burden to carry.

And because they didn’t live in a movie, because they lived in reality and in reality there was no such thing as a happy ending. In real life, people died, people got hurt, people left. And that was why Bellamy died and why Maya died and why Monty, Kane, Fox, Indra, Miller and Jackson died.

The worst part was that all of their deaths held no lesson. They were all just gone, just dead. Just because of war because war didn’t spare anyone. War didn’t care if someone was young, or innocent, or a good guy. War killed everyone the same, child or adult, soldier or civilian, good or bad.

Once she heard that dying was peaceful, easier than living, painless and fast. Now, all she could do was hope that this was the truth. She had watched so many people die over the last few weeks and never spent too much thought on how it must have been like. But now she did. She hoped it was peaceful, easy, painless, fast. She hoped so for Maya, for Monty, for Fox and Miller, for Jackson and Kane, and for Indra. But most of all she hoped so for Bellamy Blake. The thought of him spending his last moments in pain, stressed, scared, alone almost killed her.

 

* * *

 

They won the war though.

_Victory stands on the back of sacrifice._

She thought she knew the meaning behind these words, turned out, she had no idea. She had no idea what it would mean to lose so much. To her, it made the victory feel like a defeat.

She felt the heavy burden of responsibility and guilt on her shoulders as she watched her people enter the camp. Jasper without Monty, without Maya. Her mother without Kane and Jackson. Miller’s father without his son. Octavia, heartlessly forced to take Indra’s place, without any family left.

And Clarke was all alone. No one cared to look back, to make sure she was still there.

And it was all her fault. They saw her for what she really was. A monster. They all lost so much and she did nothing to stop it. She wasn’t the hero anymore. She was to blame now.

She did all these things, she caused them, she triggered them.

She was the leader or at least, she used to be. Just the way she used to be a lot of things. The way she used to be a girl, a daughter, a friend, a leader, a soldier. In that moment, she felt like none of these things. She just felt lost.

These were the moments when Bellamy would usually walk up to her, be there for her, talk to her, comfort her. And God knows, she needed it so badly but he wasn’t there. He was dead. How could she ever forgive herself when she was pretty sure that no one else could?

Too much had never been exchanged between them. Time had always been their worst enemy, never giving them the right opportunity to be honest with each other and themselves.

Both of them paid the price, both in their own way.

That’s when Octavia turned and saw Clarke. She knew it was wrong to blame her for her brother’s death but she did it anyway. The way everyone seemed to blame her for all the things that went wrong. Octavia knew how messed that was, she knew Clarke did her best and sure as hell never wanted for her friends to die. At least, somewhere deep down Octavia knew it.

On the surface though was nothing but pain and hate, blood and death, destruction and screams. That’s what war did to people. They were not happy winners, they were empty, all trying to deal with what they saw, who they lost, what they’ve been through. That’s why war left no winners. Only survivors.

Octavia knew that. Clarke knew that.

And with that knowledge, the fallen princess walked away and never looked back.


End file.
